Doubt (Don’t Forget About Me)




Car Wreck….

I. Am. Still. Alive…

So fuck you.

Welcome Back to the Cerebral Hedonist and here comes a Thought…


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The Fire’s Out Anyway! (The Light We Lost)

The Human experience is often full of regrets that rose-tints our world with what we call nostalgia and paints an elegantly beautiful image of the world that once was for us… as well as the choices not taken. Even on a good day we looked back and wonder “what if?” and we dream and glamorize how that should’ve been the choice we’d made and how much amazing it would’ve been had we not chosen… well… whatever we’ve chosen at this point in your life. However, we’ll never know…

Sometimes it’s good that we never know.

It makes it easier to focus on the world of now and make real choices.

Welcome to the Cerebral Hedonist and here comes a dull review of:

I found it odd that every image of this book cover included some aesthetic style photo. Whatever.

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Monster Love: Embracing Kaiju as a Horror Subgenre — Because How Can We Not?

A rumination on Kaiju that was much needed and much appreciated!!!

Zombie Salmon (the Horror Continues)

For those of us constantly rummaging around the subgenres looking for inspiration and just plain fun Horror, there is a “new” discovery to be made. It is called Kaiju and it comes at us – like all good monsters – from several directions at once: graphic novels, comic books, classic science fiction, classic Horror, and black and white cinema… most obviously from scarier minds in Japan.

The really great thing is: you probably already know it and love it… because especially for Horror fans in the West, the newest thing about Kaiju is its name.


Love Me, Love My Monster

We’re talking big monsters... Really big. This is Kaiju…

And while if you are a Lovecraft fan, such monsters are already part of your Horror bestiary as part of Weird Fiction, many of us have left them snugly contained within the Lovecraft mythos, and the dusty black and…

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15 Degrees Skyward: At Twilight

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It’s high here. That’s what she thought. Everything was an all-encompassing blackness and there was no way to tell how high or low she was. But she knew. Inside her mind, she knew. She felt the elevation as an old friend who’d turned obsessive captor and she couldn’t see a way down in the darkness that held her. When she dared to question why she was held so tightly, there was only silence. A silence that could be understood as both avoidance and a simple “because it’s safe here” It was here she stayed where only her gaze could cross the distance to the flicker of light that called out to her. This light she often watched in its stationary position unable to reach out to it despite knowing that she needed it. Somehow. Someway. She needed to connect to that light. It was the only way she could come down… Continue reading

This Book has Schizophrenia (Made You Up)

So, when I set out to read this story, I was given the premise that 1. It was a good story and 2. It was a positive accurate portrayal of mental illness – specifically schizophrenia.

I’ve disclosed before on this blog that I have schizoaffective disorder bipolar type. I’ve been officially diagnosed since 2014 and before this, I was diagnosed as bipolar with PTSD and anxiety disorder. That being said, I have some personal experience in the illness as well as factual knowledge because when I found out, I wanted to make sure I know everything that was happening to me.

You know it would be nice to see something a decent percentage of people suffer from represented in not so much a positive way, but in a realistic way that conveys the realities of living with the symptoms of it.

So that being said, I’d like to say on a personal level… Fuck… This… Book…

Welcome to the Cerebral Hedonist and here comes a review of…


We’re going to try something new in which I go in depth about the reasons this book fails on… a lot of fronts -takes a drink- Spoilers, Homie…



“Made You Up” by Francesca Zappia is a slice of life #contemporary story of Alexandra “Alex” Ridgemont who thinks it’s super embarrassing that her history buff parents named her and her eight-year-old sister Charlemagne “Charlie” Ridgemont after historical figures. Meh, it’s fine. She is diagnosed as a small child with schizophrenia after hallucinating setting red lobsters free out of her tank with the help of a boy who is dubbed “Blue Eyes” whom she doesn’t see again afterward. See how that’s bold? Yeah, we’re going to get to that. When her mother returns to her, the lobsters were still in the tank alive and well and certainly not red so out of concern rather than assuming Alex had a big imagination, she went for the something wrong with this kid on that instance alone and got her the mental illness starter kit (A diagnosis, pills, and an ingrained fear of being locked away).

Fast forward to present day (nowhere is the time period hinted at. There’s no mention of smart phones being a regular part of their lives, personal internet in their homes doesn’t seem to exist — they have to research at the library where they’re even more surprised that the computers aren’t on some form of network even though as a library it should be — and, um, absolutely no mentions of social media or selfies. Alex literally takes old Polaroids instead of using her phone which she doesn’t have cause mom won’t let her have one? I dunno; time period unknown) Alex is now 17 and after a bit of delinquent behavior that is held back until half way through the book for no plot-relevant reason, she is now forced to leave Hill Park Private School to attend East Shoal High — a public school — and do community service in the “famed” Athletic Support Club!!!! If that sounds strange to you, that’s because it is.  Her vandalism is basically being worked off in a staccato paper thin version of the Breakfast Club where they don’t learn shit.

To add a bit of the dissonance I felt by that, Alex is also being forced to have a job by her mother and therapist to appear “normal”… where she spends her time talking to a Magic 8 Ball you later find out was never real…  Gonna just… unpack that later.

But overall she works to help her mother make ends meet as well, she’s trying to work off a big mistake she made, and she has to get used to a whole new school. Sounds like a typical girl in a typical world who has a little something that makes her above average (schizophrenia) and has to face the challenges of being not quite normal in the face of a budding love interest and the prospect of not being alone anymore. Great Premise. Very interesting. You hit Contemporary Teen Bingo! You might wanna pick it up…

But Harli, you said you hated this book…


Let me break down why this book so ratchet!

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