I hate you!
I hate you!
I hate you!
OMG WHY DO YOU EXIST YOU LITERAL PIECE OF….
I forgive you…
Welcome to the Cerebral Hedonist… and we’re finally having this thought…
-sips coffee- piece of…
Nope, made my peace with this.
I had just started my long-lasting, abusive relationship with retail when Twilight suddenly announced a movie. Now, strangely enough, I was a bit excited…
Well, it’s not what you think.
I first read Twilight when I was going through a traumatizing time in a physical therapy unit while I was in the army. I was depressed and stuck and that was a whole other issue. But we were allowed to read…
One of my platoon had just started New Moon and was eager to give me the book to cheer me up. I was writing a random romance for escapism purposes and allowed her to read it — thus she suggested that Twilight would make me feel better. And it did. It wasn’t necessarily the greatest work of literature I’d ever read, but it is a phenomenon for a reason. It did exactly what it was supposed to… it entertained.
I read through Twilight and quite literally was alright with Edward’s behavior — it was generally no different than the behavior of the male love interest in any other dime store paperback romance I’d read before. Which is problematic in itself but I’m not here to unpack that… Leave that rant in the box please and thank you.
Bella was, in general, like most protagonists I’d read in teen and even adult romances. Stiff, dull, contemporary… average. So I didn’t allow that to color my criticism because who cared, it was just a high school romance dressed up in vampires and shit… that… you know… sparkled.
I still have no idea what that sparkle was for. Like, Guy steps into the sun with sparkling abs and wants me to believe he’s a monster. Yeah okay…
But the point is, I enjoyed it. It was a fun, quick read that pulled me out of a funk and I appreciated for that. I wanted to read the others and I found myself becoming a quite placid fan sitting in the background reading the book. Of course, it would never be good enough to have an open discussion about for me. It’s prose were simplistic and you could tell the author had never really… done anything before if that makes sense. It was like reading a first draft basically and I never judged it too harshly… until…
Suddenly, Twilight and Stephanie Meyer was everywhere and in the sea of fans screaming all over the place, I felt more claustrophobic than Satan in a church pulpit wearin’ a goddamn christening cross!
Jesus H. Christ!
I realize, now that it is fairly dead and no one is trying to cram it down my throat or ask me what team I’m on, I was never angry about Twilight.
No… it wasn’t the story itself that upset me so.
Granted, I raged like any Anti-Twihard about the structure of the story, the blandness of the character, the quite obvious and literal abusiveness of Edward “You can have puppies with my wife if you kill my unborn child” Cullen. Like seriously, Breaking Dawn was a shit show — not even Twihards could fangirl that away.
But… honestly, those things really did upset me about the material… but it wasn’t what bugged me.
I guess you could say I was envious…
Envious not jealous. There is quite a difference, ya’ll.
You see, I had been thinking my whole life that I had to acquire greater skills, greater perspective, a certain mastery of my craft before I could ever hope to be published because my idols were men and women of immaculate prose and god knows I would never be the same but perhaps I could at least touch a fraction of that greatness…
And then Stephanie Meyer has a teenage wet dream and becomes an international phenomena…
See… -sighs- I forgive you…
See it’s not so much that I was envious of her success despite her obvious and proven lack of skill as a writer and world builder. That just… wasn’t the case.
I was envious… because she took the chance without even thinking twice about it.
It personally insulted me that this woman with what is arguably one of the most cliche and contrived teenage spank bank ever written… had more bravery than I did when I had four manuscripts in a series I’d been writing since high school that I held back from the world because none of them felt ready yet… I wasn’t ready yet.
That’s the tragedy of it isn’t it?
I wasn’t ready
Yet she was… and she succeeded and no one can tell her shit because in the end they talked about her — negatively and positively! They brought attention! They publicized with their hatred and anti-mainstream criticism of her work! Even Stephen King saying she couldn’t write worth a damn made people say “OMG if she’s that bad I have to experience this for myself so that I can shit all over it”
And yet… I hated that book… and all its sequels because she was ready
Well, now I’m ready…
and I forgive you Stephanie Meyer
I forgive you and your book for hurting me in an almost irreversible way.
I forgive your abuse of the thesaurus because fuck, how often have I raked it through the mud.
I forgive your bland characterization of the average teenage girl, because who gives a fuck, we all knew who that story was really about.
I forgive your odd fetish for maladjusted, pale, sparkly boys with filed teeth, because I legit am a fan of a fairy boy in Melissa Marr’s Wicked Lovely series!
But most of all, I forgive you for having your cake and eating it too.
You were ready.
And I wasn’t.
But now, I’m ready…
so I can stop hating you now…
May Bella and Edward have all the happiness with their demon-child…
And I won’t allow another book and/or author to make me feel that ever again…
….. Fuck you….
-Harli V. Park-
Sorry about how late this was. It is currently 3:45am as I’m completing this and I’m so burnt out. I had work and more work so it occupied my time so thoroughly I couldn’t even finish this blog post until after I’d gotten home and completed my professional obligations as well as my word count. But… I did it. This makes 8,346 words for Day 7… fuck yeah! God!
Thank you soo much for all of your support, follows, likes, and wonderful comments!
First week of Camp Nanowrimo complete.
If you’re willing to continue… then… heh. You know what to do! G’night Ya’ll.