“They’re watching a relationship you never see on TV because television stopped being black and white in the ‘60s but the shows never did…”
I’m not sure how many of you read my About page or care to, but for the sake of argument, let’s say you have. You’ll notice how its carefully crafted to tell you exactly who I am and what I’m doing but its also obviously and purposely excluding details. I’ve never been quite sure whether I wanted to disclose much about who I personally am to this particular platform and while my schizoaffective disorder is not something I particularly hold back as it is a large part of my creativity. I found myself hesitant on the topic of love…
And I ask myself why?
I don’t have a good reason.
My love is very much a part of my creativity and inspiration.
So, let’s explore the Squid and their heart…
-breathes in deep and smiles-
Welcome to the Cerebral Hedonist… and here comes a thought.
I am Pansexual and Polyamorous
For those who do not understand:
Pansexual means I do not have preference in gender, sex, or any biological attributes specifically. I’m more of a Sapiosexual if you please. Where my attraction comes from is in the interaction and intellect shared between people in any given moment or time.
Polyamorous means I am not a single person lover. I am — might as well say — instinctively capable of loving more than one person at any given time. I can be attracted to, have feelings for, and/or fall in love with multiple people.
Bit much right?
Not really. But it’s not for everyone and its not an excuse to go out and cheat on someone who loves you more than anything this world. This is more so a facet of people that mainstream society does not often show or if they do it is very much condemned (see multi-wives, etc). I have the privilege of having so much emotion and so much depth that I have to share it with those who make me feel that way whether it’s one person or two.
This is not a phase… not a “coming out.”
No, no, no. This is something that has always been and always will be.
I’ve been inclined to multiple partners since I was in high school and it has caused so many problems when I attempted to be in love with a single person and unconditionally love only them. It would go well and I honestly say I don’t have a desire to go behind anyone’s back. However, then someone would come along… they’d speak a certain way, share a mutual connection and I would develop feelings for them… but something odd happened. My feelings for the current person did not diminish or become unimportant. I felt for both of them equally.
Of course no two people are the same and that’s the point. You fall in love with the person. Their mind, their mannerisms, their body language…
But the intensity is always the same. There will never be a time where I will love one person more than the other and that’s the problem. You see in a society that is hard pressed on finding the one… I am magnetically drawn to several
As of right now, I am currently in a relationship with two of the most beautiful and amazing and talented people ever to walk this earth and we have been doing this for almost 4 years now. All three of us, together. Both of them are polyamarous but we are still in the process of exploring all that has to offer us even after all this time.
The point is that we love each other.
We’ve laughed, we’ve cried, we’ve dealt with the insecurities — the whispers over shoulder that this is just asking to get cheated on or this is too much. Honestly, its the best relationship I have ever had because it requires a high — very high level of communication between all of us, especially if we want to venture outside of the relationship. Communication is something that one can be hard-pressed to find even in the most conventional relationships.
With this one it is absolutely required… and that’s what makes it work for us really.
Having the freedom to be vulnerable, the freedom to say what’s on your mind to both parties without prejudice and being allowed a group discussion about the things that are wrong, right, and everything in between is a type of contentment that borders along divine.
However, a common misconception is that its completely different from a monogamous relationship. I suppose it is in practicality…
But as far as the amount of love and intimacy that can be shared is actually the same… you just have more to go around. That’s what makes it work, that’s what keeps me stable. I can reach an understanding of both myself and my lovers while being allowed to be who I am — this person who feels greatly and is capable of expressing that love to others in equal measures.
It also aids in inspiration. In my art. You can write about characters with diverse preferences such as mine. You can have them in a love triangle and everyone wins. You can have healthy relationships in which they are not the only interest.
It doesn’t have to always be drama. It doesn’t always have to be a forced to choose one scenario and it doesn’t always have to end badly with someone walking away in hatred for the other unless that’s just what that character is about.
It’s not work for someone who is naturally inclined to it. It’s not hard to communicate or hard to keep up with. It’s not even complicated…
We just… have a lot in common..
They both love me and I love both of them….
My Heart Is Legion… For It Loves Many….
–Harli V. Park–
Thank you for reading. I decided to go real personal with the today’s blog because I chose the topic of love and realized I’d never mentioned much about myself or my personal life and if you guys are hanging in there with me then hells yeah I want you to know. We’re becoming family after all and this family has no secrets!!!! -wink-
Anyway, that’s it for day 9 and I hope you guys have a great day!!! Happy Writing. And remember, relationships are not black and white… they have a whole spectrum!
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