There is a Shadow… (Camp Nanowrimo 2017)

My ma had a sayin’. One that I only know cause she kept in her diaries and crap.

“There’s always one thing yer gonna wanna give up everything for.

There’s gonna be that one thing… that one somethin’ that makes ya forget why ya even have power, or why ya wanted it in the first place…”

I’ve had power since the day my daddy came callin’ in the middle of the night and I learned what humans really were. Pieces of goddamn garbage. They all pretended to be these normal, upstandin’ people but deep down I can see what they are. I can see my daddy in every one of those pityin’ stares — those “you poor thing”. I had power to never have to be the small one. Never have to be the one lookin’ up. I could rip the heart out of anybody who stepped to me and they was all afraid of me in a way that I loved, fed off of. I had power over them and I had power over their lives…

I could eat them all alive!

But then… she crashed near my haunt.

She bled out on my hands…

She was so small…heh…

And in a single goddamn moment… I gave her power over me

Exactly what he wanted…

That fucker knew I’d be drawn to her. Knew I’d feel it… knew I’d come…

She was so small…

Yet, she was bigger than me

I could feel it, fuckin’ smell it on her… smell him on her…

Yet I ain’t hesitate. Even though I felt that bastard pullin’ me apart even before I lifted her out of all that chaos, I ain’t hesitate for a minute. Cause I knew what she was… what she was gone be…

But, she was just so damn small.

Weak…. Stupid… Green. Ain’t know shit about shit!

But I couldn’t get close to her. They made sure of that. They kept her locked up, kept her outta sight and then had her in that house for weeks before I couldn’t even see her. I watched her though. Kept up and waited for her to feel what I felt in her.

And she did… Oh she felt it… and it killed.

She was ready to play the game.

Ready to play to win…

Ready to play with me…

Out of all the garbage in Calista. All those fake ass smiles and laughter and “community” where they clap ya on the back for drunkenly attackin’ somebody and say “its okay, we’re family.” In this itty-bitty pissant town… she shined so bright. She was like this bonfire that everybody was starin’ at but wouldn’t get close. But I’m gonna… I’m gonna get close, I’m gonna feel that heat threatenin’ to turn into a wildfire, and I’m gonna watch Calista and that quack all burn!

I’ll be her shadow while she turns everything to ash..

And I won’t stop until she helps me get back what he took from me…

Until she understands that the one with the power is her…

Why?

Cause she’s different than the rest of ’em.

Cause its only fair….

I saved her life…

The least she could do is play the game with me…

Accept the power I’m givin’ her…

Play… and win…

Burn it all down…

“I can’t be like that. I don’t know how to be like that…”

‘Course ya do, Ayida…

We’re monsters, ya know. It’s what we do.

–Harli V. Park —

A nice little aside from Laney Winchester’s POV in Transient. 

This was supposed to go up yesterday but unfortunately I got too busy and ended up forgetting to finish it and post it. So this is Day 10 for you and Day 11 will be up later tonight! I hope you enjoy this bit of a teaser and look forward to the next post!

To all the new folks, thanks sooo much. All the visits, hits, likes, comments, and best of all follower! Its such a joy to know people are enjoying this as much as I am. If you guys have any requests, suggestions, things you just wanna say or you just want to say “hi” I’m always accepting. 

Thank you for hanging in there! More to come!

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My Heart is Legion… (Camp Nanowrimo 2017)

“They’re watching a relationship you never see on TV because television stopped being black and white in the ‘60s but the shows never did…”

-People Watching…

I’m not sure how many of you read my About page or care to, but for the sake of argument, let’s say you have. You’ll notice how its carefully crafted to tell you exactly who I am and what I’m doing but its also obviously and purposely excluding details. I’ve never been quite sure whether I wanted to disclose much about who I personally am to this particular platform and while my schizoaffective disorder is not something I particularly hold back as it is a large part of my creativity. I found myself hesitant on the topic of love…

And I ask myself why?

I don’t have a good reason.

My love is very much a part of my creativity and inspiration.

So, let’s explore the Squid and their heart…

-breathes in deep and smiles-

Welcome to the Cerebral Hedonist… and here comes a thought.

Poly Badge

So…

I am Pansexual and Polyamorous Continue reading

Your Monster is Stupid! (Camp Nanowrimo 2017)

“Your monster isn’t really scary…”

That’s… that’s not the point…

“Omg, they’re like Twelve and Fifteen! Their interaction is really inappropriate.”

They’re just… looking at each other…

“So basically its Slender Man…”

Oh yeah definitely except like not

“They’re kids! They shouldn’t even be in situations like this”

….. umm yeah, we know. That’s… I…. okay….

“So you’re trying to Lovecraft?”

I’m trying to die actually… is it working yet?

“See, this is problematic. It supports the white savior trope.”

-slow blink- uuuh…

“Your monster is stupid!”

…. for real…?

“Its just criticism. You gotta learn to accept it.”

-sips coffee-

Welcome to the Cerebral Hedonist… and here comes a thought…

or whatever you’re going to freely interpret it as…

Criticism!!!!

Continue reading

Sparkle Forgiven – or How I Learned to Stop Hating Twilight (Camp Nanowrimo 2017)

 

I hate you!

I hate you!

I hate you!

OMG WHY DO YOU EXIST YOU LITERAL PIECE OF….

…..

………..

-sighs-

I forgive you…

Welcome to the Cerebral Hedonist… and we’re finally having this thought…

twilight-saga-poster

…. yup…

-sips coffee- piece of…

Nope, made my peace with this.

I had just started my long-lasting, abusive relationship with retail when Twilight suddenly announced a movie. Now, strangely enough, I was a bit excited…

Scary right.

Well,  it’s not what you think.

I first read Twilight when I was going through a traumatizing time in a physical therapy unit while I was in the army. I was depressed and stuck and that was a whole other issue. But we were allowed to read…

One of my platoon had just started New Moon and was eager to give me the book to cheer me up. I was writing a random romance for escapism purposes and allowed her to read it — thus she suggested that Twilight would make me feel better. And it did. It wasn’t necessarily the greatest work of literature I’d ever read, but it is a phenomenon for a reason. It did exactly what it was supposed to… it entertained.

I read through Twilight and quite literally was alright with Edward’s behavior — it was generally no different than the behavior of the male love interest in any other dime store paperback romance I’d read before. Which is problematic in itself but I’m not here to unpack that… Leave that rant in the box please and thank you.

Bella was, in general, like most protagonists I’d read in teen and even adult romances. Stiff, dull, contemporary… average. So I didn’t allow that to color my criticism because who cared, it was just a high school romance dressed up in vampires and shit… that… you know… sparkled.

still have no idea what that sparkle was for. Like, Guy steps into the sun with sparkling abs and wants me to believe he’s a monster. Yeah okay…

But the point is, I enjoyed it. It was a fun, quick read that pulled me out of a funk and I appreciated for that. I wanted to read the others and I found myself becoming a quite placid fan sitting in the background reading the book. Of course, it would never be good enough to have an open discussion about for me. It’s prose were simplistic and you could tell the author had never really… done anything before if that makes sense. It was like reading a first draft basically and I never judged it too harshly… until… Continue reading

Are You Keeping a Crawling Eye on the Print Industry? A Bookseller’s Lament

As a Writer and Reader and a lover of words that stay please by all means read these to understand why you can’t give up on the feel of a book in your hand.

Zombie Salmon (the Horror Continues)

Complacency. This is what – if anything – will kill print.

People who leave it up to other people to purchase books in hard copy, to frequent brick and mortar stores of any product while patting themselves on the back for “saving” money need to wise up. The entire retail landscape is under fire. You now have to drive further, pay more, and find less for any product – including books.

This is not a “sign of the times.” It is an orchestrated effort to rearrange the retail market into a handful of distribution outlets that feed the pockets of wealthy individuals whose ideas of enlightenment include the replacement of workers with robots because “they never get sick” and “they never take vacations,” as well as the ultimate privilege of determining not only what the public will want to have access to, but what they will be allowed to have…

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